NARCISSTIC ABUSE STORIES by Anonymous

NEW! Whats Wrong With You by Anonymous: A novel of a narcissist/psychotic/paranoid who plays God.

Beyond Insane by Anonymous: A novel about a narcissistic nurse who goes through life with a sense of entitlement using and then stepping on anyone who stands in her way.

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Think of the worst person you’ve ever met. Chances are they are narcisstic.

1-A sense of entitlement: A key aspect of narcissists is they have a sense of entitlement. Everyone deserves things like equal protection under the law, but narcissists are particularly entitled. If they don't get their way, they become upset, because, in a narcissist's mind, the world is supposed to revolve around them. Positive moments in life are positive because they're entitled to them. Negative moments aren't supposed to happen to them. The world isn't going to be fair for everyone, but narcissists can believe this is a personal slight against them and not just a matter of bad luck or unfortunate circumstances. When one can't begin to understand the concept of rolling with the punches, they're likely a narcissist.

A poster in a narcissism abuse recovery site described how she said to her husband one morning "honey, you have toothpaste on your face". This benign statement triggered "you have a hair out of place" then a campaign of terror lasting days. Sometimes you need not even talk to them. Something inside triggers their hairpin trigger and rage.

2-They expect admiration: Narcissists don't just want to be admired; they expect to be admired. Compliments don't just make them feel good. They also fuel them. If a narcissist isn't being showered with praise, they become agitated. Their existence is implied to be some sort of immaculate gift others must recognize.

Conversely, their need for admiration means they will reject criticism outright. Narcissists are incredibly concerned with their self-image, but they won't accept any kind of advice. Bitter feelings grow larger until they consume the narcissist entirely. To a narcissist, they are not the ones who need to change, but the rest of the world is.

3-They are liars: To give narcissists some credit, they're excellent dramatists, and they can turn the most mundane details of their lives into the most outrageous, unbelievable stories. These are often too good to be true, because they're actually lies. Their need to impress causes narcissists to stretch the truth or omit facts to fit their narrative better. It's a defense mechanism that makes it difficult for narcissists to form trustworthy relationships. Real friends don't judge you based on your failures, but narcissists will think their self-worth is determined by their ability to recount successes. It can work for them too, until they get caught in a lie and have to explain themselves. The more narcissists exaggerate their life, the weaker the grasp they have on reality is.

4-They are superior: Narcissists let their egos get the best of them, and they always believe they are superior. Their superiority complex causes them to think anyone who dares criticize or challenge them is delusional. If a narcissist faces any obstacles, they'll try to find faults with the system. Getting through to narcissists can be difficult because they are convinced their supposed superiority protects them from criticism. Narcissists view themselves as immortal, while everyone else is merely human.

5-They lack empathy and take advantage of others: Narcissists are a danger to others as well as themselves. Getting to know a narcissist can be difficult as they take advantage of others and lack empathy. Shows of kindness will be preyed upon, as narcissists see generosity as something they can exploit. A relationship with a narcissist doesn't follow what a healthy relationship is supposed to be. Narcissists believe relationships are a matter of power, and if they feel their power is being thwarted, they'll become hostile. Empathy is a challenge for narcissists because they have a hard time putting themselves in another individual's shoes (or even cannot do so). To a narcissist, everything must be catered to their demands and be based on their perspective.

6-They live in a fantasy world and are full of RAGE: To put it simply, many individuals who have narcissistic tendencies or have been diagnosed with narcisstic personality disorder are typically delusional and choose to live in their own fantasy world rather than in reality, since real life does not support their grandiose view of themselves. This fantasy world of theirs tends to revolve around distortion of the truth, self-deception, and magical thinking as they believe in these self-glorifying illusions they have about themselves involving success, wealth, power, attractiveness, intelligence, and love that makes them feel in control and special. Unfortunately, these fantasies are just a mask to protect the narcissist from their feelings of inner emptiness and shame, therefore, any facts or opinions that contradict them are either ignored or rationalized to meet their perspective on things. Anything that threatens to destroy their fantasy bubble is met with rage and defensiveness as well, which can turn into violence if the narcissist feels threatened enough.

7-They are all bullies: When a narcissist feels threatened, such as when their views about themselves, others, and the world do not match their made-up fantasies, or they encounter someone who appears to have a quality they lack, such as real confidence and popularity, they tend to demean and bully the other person. Narcissists will also belittle anyone who challenges them or won't submit to their will as well, causing the narcissist to use cruel tactics like bullying and intimidation to get what they want.

The only way they know how to neutralize a threat and to improve their diminishing ego is to bully and demean the other individual into submission. They may do this in a dismissive or patronizing manner to prove the individual means nothing to them (which is often not true) or they might attack with insults, name-calling, bullying, and threaten the other person to back off and know their place. Do these tactics work? Not always, especially if a non-narcissist can outwit the narcissist or are aware of these signs and can act accordingly to handle the situation in an appropriate manner.

8-Control, control, control: Considering narcissists tend to be continually disappointed when life unfolds imperfectly and not the way they want it to, they want to do as much as possible to control any situation life throws at them and mold it to their liking. Not only do narcissists want to be in control but they tend to demand to be in control of things as their strong sense of entitlement makes it appear to be logical that they should be in control of everything and everyone around them. For instance, narcissists tend to have a storyline in mind for each individual or 'character' in their life when it comes to what others say and do.

But, when others do not behave the way the narcissist wants them to, they become unsettled and easily upset as they do not know what to expect next as others and things are not going according to their plan. A textbook narcissist demands others say or do whatever they want so they can reach their delusional goals, as other people are simply characters in their play, as they often will not consider others a real human being with thoughts and feelings.

9-Striving for perfection: A narcissist often has an extremely high need and expectation for everything in their life, from work to people, to be perfect. They believe they should be perfect in all aspects, and as a result of these high expectations, they want those in their lives to be perfect, and events should happen as expected, with life perfectly unfolding for them. Unfortunately, life does not happen that way. Not only is this an inconceivable and impossible demand, these expectations often leave a narcissist feeling dissatisfied and miserable majority of the time. This often results in them becoming irritable and constantly complaining about their woes rather than coping with the unexpected and putting a positive spin on life as they lack the mental capacity and tools to do so as those who do not have this disorder do.

10-Blame: A classic sign of narcissism and probably one of the most difficult to deal with is a narcissist's lack of accountability and how they blame others for their problems or faults. Although a narcissist wants to be in control, ironically, they never want the responsibility that comes with this role, the results and consequences for their actions, unless, of course, everything goes their way. However, when things do not go according to their plan or they feel criticized, a narcissist will place the responsibility and blame on others who are involved, as it always has to be someone else's fault when things are not perfect. In some situations, the blame is generalized, such as all bosses, teachers, coworkers, friends, family, politicians and professionals, and so on, are to blame.

In other cases, the narcissist may specifically target an individual or rule to blame for their faults rather than owning up to their mistake and correcting it. Sadly, most often a narcissist will target and blame the individual closest to them; the most emotionally attached, the most loyal, and loving person in their life, most often their significant other, best friend, or parent. Again, to maintain this facade of perfection, a narcissist will always have to blame others or things for their mistakes, and often those closest to them are the easiest to blame because they are the least likely to reject or leave them. Stand your ground and hold them accountable, as not only is it the right thing to do, but the only way for you to come out of a potentially messy situation unscathed.

11-Lack of boundaries: Another classic sign is narcissists tend to lack boundaries with anyone in their lives as they cannot accurately see where they end and where another individual begins. For instance, they believe everything belongs to them, everyone thinks, feels, and acts as they do, and everyone has similar goals as they do, which is all not true. Essentially, they do not share and do not know how to as their perspective in this respect, is incredibly similar to a toddler. Everyone is different and will act, say, and feel what is true to them. Hence, a narcissist is shocked and highly insulted when they are told no or to do something that does not line up with their desires. If a narcissist wants something from someone, they will go to great lengths to figure out and conjure up a plan to get it with manipulation tactics, threats, or simply a temper tantrum. When a narcissist begins to overstep their boundaries, again, stand your ground and keep them in their place by expressing your needs and not letting them get away with their selfish behavior.

12-Attention and validation: They expect attention and validation. It's important to note wanting or expecting validation isn't necessarily an automatic sign of narcissism. In fact, it's healthy to expect others will offer support and validation when it's needed. The problem is when this goes to an unhealthy level. For example, an individual expecting constant attention from those who aren't close to them is sometimes a sign of entitlement. In addition, it's not healthy to expect individuals to provide attention at the cost of their own well-being, or to expect attention without providing any reciprocal support. Humans need validation and attention to thrive, but narcissists tend to expect it because they believe they're entitled to the energy of others. They may become agitated when they aren't shown attention, and they may refuse to accept contradicting points of view or potential conflict.

13-Driven by fear: They are driven by hidden fears. Though they may seem self-obsessed and entitled, these behaviors can often hide a deep sense of insecurity and lack of satisfaction. It's important to remember narcissistic personality disorder causes deep distress to the individual who has it as well as those surrounding them. Narcissists may have deep-seated fears of being abandoned or rejected, which are often informed by experiences they've had with others. They may be afraid of being proven wrong or having to acknowledge their own flaws. Their seeming sense of self-importance might be a defense mechanism to keep them from needing to acknowledge their own imperfections.

14-Unable to be vulnerable: A narcissist is unable to truly be vulnerable, which can lead to serious problems with emotional intimacy. Narcissists may view vulnerability as a form of weakness, or they may be afraid vulnerability will cause them to be abandoned or hurt. Some narcissists may also dislike vulnerability in others and be unable to show emotional support. This makes it difficult for narcissists to seek treatment which they rarely do. The few that do seek treatment in order to become self-aware, leave therapy when they are unable to control the therapist. They're unlikely to express they're experiencing true distress in their day-to-day lives, since this opens them to vulnerability. Instead, they throw shallow temper tantrums when they don't get the attention they're looking for.

15-Talks over others: Another sign of a narcissist is an individual who talks over and interrupts others. You might encounter these behaviors in close familial and romantic relationships, friendships, or work relationships. A narcissist will often interrupt others or talk over them because they don't consider the input of others valuable. They struggle to listen to what others are saying, especially if it conflicts with their own opinions or views. Another element contributing to this is a sense of attention-seeking. Narcissists may interrupt others because they believe their own voice and point of view is more important.

They ALWAYS want to be the center of attention and to be acknowledged. Rather than waiting for their turn to speak, they talk over you.

16-Charming: Narcissists can be quite charming and persuasive. They may be good at consciously or subconsciously manipulating others. A narcissist likes to get attention by being the 'life of the party.' They may exaggerate their own life experiences, tell outlandish stories, and be loud and overly friendly. Many narcissists seem passionate and charming at the start of a relationship, but when the relationship progresses, their inability to connect on a fundamental level becomes apparent. A manipulative narcissist may be able to convince others to do things they don't want to do or to provide attention at the cost of their own well-being.

Paranoia: Paranoia is an integral part of NPD per Dr. Les Carter who lists 22 examples on his youtube channel.

Psychotic: To be considered psychotic requires most NPD traits in addition to most of the following--- lack of attachment to others, superficial charm, dishonesty, manipulativeness and risk-taking. Not all psychopaths are dangerous as Hollywood would lead you to believe. However, the USDOJ says nearly every psychopath who commits murder possesses a key narcissistic/psychotic trait---a lack of empathy.

Schizophrenia: Narcissists are not necessarily schizophrenic but schizophrenics are often narcissists according to a study by MIT.

Narcissists are self-serving and lack integrity. “They believe they’re superior and thus not subject to the same rules and norms. Studies show they act dishonestly to achieve their ends. They know they’re lying, and it doesn’t bother them. They don’t feel shame.

Anyone who was bullied as a kid is familiar with the consoling notion that bullies don’t really believe they’re better than us — they’re “just compensating” for low self-esteem. They present as confident and assertive to mask some inner pain, and we take solace in their secret suffering, maybe feigning pity for their brokenness. Unfortunately, that generous assessment is not always true.

“That’s the classic case of vulnerable narcissism recognized in psychiatry, but in the last decade or so, there’s been an outpouring of research on what’s called grandiose narcissism. These individuals have high self-esteem. They are much more agentic, more extroverted, and really more dangerous.

As a result, narcissists often feel they don’t receive the admiration and credit they deserve, and they can seem pathologically consumed with resentment. That can take the form of petulance, aggression, unhinged public rants, and abuse of underlings. In the narcissist’s worldview, other human beings must be either acolytes or enemies.

Narcissistic projection is a behavior that manifests when someone with a narcissistic personality projects a trait or behavior onto another person. It can happen in any relationship but may be common between people with narcissism and very empathetic people, also called empaths.

The tricky thing about projection is that most people aren’t aware they’re doing it. And since narcissism is linked to lower emotional intelligence, someone with a narcissistic personality may be especially unlikely to recognize that they’re projecting.

They MUST be able to control others. It is a survival mechanism. They are an empty shell. Inside their brain is a constant storm. They seek approval of others but don’t believe they are worthy of it. No amount of love will fix them.

When they see the relationship going south, they begin a smear campaign spreading lies and employing flying monkeys.

They are attracted to anyone who will give them the attention that sustains them but prefer empaths or empathic people. Empaths are understanding and give others second chances. Codependent people (Poor boundaries with others, Low self-esteem, Difficulty making decisions, Trouble identifying or communicating thoughts, feelings or needs, Denial of problems, Anxiety or fear about being rejected, judged or abandoned) make the best victims.

Malignant narcissist-aka narcissistic sociopath is learned in childhood.
    Being extremely arrogant and self-centered
    Disregarding the feelings and needs of other people
    Manipulating, using, or exploiting others for personal gain or pleasure
    Having an extreme need for power
    Acts of revenge against those who criticize them
    Fantasizing about ways to obtain more power or dominance over others
    Lacking conscience, regret, or remorse for their actions
    Being cruel and taking pleasure in the pain of others
    High levels of aggression towards other people
    Paranoia or mistrust of others

Shaming is a common and especially damaging form of narcissistic abuse. Narcissists use shame to project their inadequacies;

1.          externalize their self-loathing;
2.          make others look and feel inferior;
3.          feed their need to feel superior;
4.          control others’ self-perceptions;
5.          manipulate others to take undue responsibility;
6.          manipulate others to blame themselves for their abuser’s behavior;
7.          undermine and weaken others’ self-esteem;
8.          isolate and disarm others; and/or
9.          drive others into self-hating secrecy and self-destruction.

By planting shame in other people, narcissists in essence install a button they can press at any time to manipulate and punish those they seek to control. Those who love, care about, or otherwise look up to or rely on narcissists, such as their children, partners, relatives, friends, employees, students, congregants, patients, or others within their sphere of influence, are vulnerable to messages of shame. Because narcissists do not feel remorse for hurting people and abusing their power over others, but in fact believe they are justified in doing so, they shame with abandon.

Narcissistic educators use the authority of their positions as the default rationale for decisions, and the explanation is simple, “You will do this because I am the teacher (or principal or superintendent or whatever), and I decided it.” There tends to be little recognition of other circumstances, and the unspoken demeanor is “all must defer to and recognize my greater expertise.” Teachers who adopt this stance lose credibility with students, and administrators who adopt this stance towards teachers lose credibility as well.

These spiders lure you into their web of abuse by showering you with attention, love, kindness and being thoughtful and supportive. Everything you’ve always wanted.

Then, once they have you in their web, they start to take those things away, little by little and they say it’s your fault they’re going away. You try and improve and please them. You’re now caught in their web with a spider and its slowly wrapping more of the web around you.

Then, when you’re completely entangled in their web they start to suck your life energy out of you, like a spider. By denying your reality (gaslighting) it creates cognitive dissonance in your mind and you “freeze” as you’re conflicted over what is real and what isn’t. This is them inserting psychological and physical poison (through intermittent reinforcement) into you. You’re now stuck in the web and you feel trapped and you can’t get out. Then, they take away more and more completely depleting your life energy. These people feed off of you trying to make the relationship better and you don’t even know they’re doing this the whole time, you think the spider is your friend…

Then, when there’s no more energy to suck out of you they leave you to die alone stuck in their web. It takes you YEARS to get out of it and nobody can help you get out. You have to find your own way of untangling that web, and it’s not just physical but psychologically and emotionally stuck in that web too.

After the person (spider) leaves you to die on the web (or during your relationship with them) they go and make another web and the same cycle repeats itself with the next victim.

Covert abuse is by far the worst because it’s done under the guise of love when the reality is quite the opposite, it’s the definition of EVIL and DEATH.

5. Has a sense of entitlement, expecting to be treated as someone special or given priority at all times.

10. Has a tendency to see his problems as unique or more acute than anyone else’s.

11. Has an exaggerated sense of privilege that allows him to bend rules and break laws.

13. Interacting with this individual leaves you irritated, troubled, worried, upset, or anxious.

15. Makes a point of devaluing others as being inferior, incapable, or not worthy.

16. Has demonstrated little sympathy or empathy for others; nevertheless, expects others to show him endless empathy and support.

18. Deep emotions appear to be difficult for him to comprehend. Seems emotionally detached at times when deeply felt emotions are most needed.

20. Repeatedly has violated boundaries of rules, privacy, secrecy, or social decorum.

21. Only sees his own problems and repeatedly ignores the problems or struggles others may have.

23. Seems to lack altruistic qualities—everything is done for a selfish purpose; rarely does anything for the good of others.

26. Has a need to habitually inflate personal accomplishments, deeds, or experiences.

28. Acts imperious, not wishing to know what others think, have planned, or are concerned about.

29. Devalues people who work for him without consideration for their feelings, loyalty, or sacrifices.

30. Is disinterested in knowing more about you and others and lacks normal curiosity in others. In essence, he only likes to talk about himself.

31. At times, displays a certain coldness or aloofness that makes you think you really don’t know the true measure of this person.

33. Doesn’t ever seem to feel guilty about anything he has done wrong and is unlikely to apologize or to show remorse.

35. Has resorted to cheating, conning, scheming, embezzling, or other criminal activity to achieve success.

36. Is a "wound collector"—constantly looking for and ruminating on social slights and grievances, which he never forgets.

40. Doesn’t seem to reciprocate the attention, gratitude, or kindness of others.

41. Seems to lack tenderness, passion, or softness; everything is seemingly tension-producing or threatening in his life.

43. Becomes indignant when others fail to show absolute loyalty or when they publicly disagree with him.

44. One of these words usually applies to him: snobbish, disdainful, arrogant, patronizing.

45. Is unwilling to acknowledge his own mistakes, wrongdoings, bad ideas, or perilous actions.

47. Sees nothing wrong with lying and coopts others to lie for him— lying for him is a way of life.

48. Holds grudges for a long time and is not forgiving of slights, even after many years.

49. He habitually questions the intentions of others and has shown to be distrustful of: a spouse, intimate relations, family, or workmates.

52. Feels a need to be guarded, secretive, devious, and scheming, or thinks others around him are that way.

53. Is reluctant or unwilling to entertain alternative views; readily dismisses them.

54. Sees self as a victim of one or more of these things: life, society, foreigners, minorities, government, family, workers, conspiracies, cabals, et cetera.

55. Does not hesitate to insult others publicly, to debase them, or to engage in ad hominem attacks.

56. Is incapable of truly relaxing and seems to be constantly guarded, almost always serious, lacking in humor and joy.

57. Constantly looks for signs that others are conspiring or planning something against him.

58. Claims that past failings at work or in relationships have been the fault of others—he is never at fault.

59. Claims to have perfect recall of events and facts when in fact the information is often faulty, exaggerated, or biased.

60. His thoughts, beliefs, and prejudices are rigid and inflexible, and he becomes truculent or combative when challenged.

61. Is needlessly preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty of others.

62. Sees himself as excessively self-important or believes he is infallible—completely lacking humility or self-awareness.

63. There is a generalized anxious feeling of pending doom or that some sort of unspecified harm will befall him.

64. Seems to view the world in general as a place where one needs to be “on guard” at all times and that others are generally out to “get you” or will lie and deceive.

65. Often has an unrelenting, one-track mind about this or that issue and can’t seem to let go.

66. Insists that only he has a clear understanding of the threats that are out there, and in his view there are many.

68. Is highly inflexible in his thinking and stubbornly refuses at times to recognize facts.

69. Tends to be unromantic, lacking tenderness or empathy in his interpersonal relations.

70. Is distrustful of people who are different because of religion, ethnicity, place of birth, socioeconomic status, or because they are minorities.

72. Seeks to surround himself with people who only think as he does (other “True Believers” as defined by Eric Hoffer) or who contribute to “groupthink.”

73. Makes it a habit to frighten others or to make others fear for their safety or well-being by vilifying someone or a group of people.

74. Often and systematically overvalues himself at the expense of devaluing others.

78. Believes there is always a conspiracy or an individual trying to undermine him.

79. Recognizes, almost instinctively, that hate is useful, as it unites people in a common cause.

80. Truth and facts are whatever he spews out at any given moment without regard for facts, reality, truth, or actuality. Mendacity is not an occasional occurrence; it is a way of life.

Derrick Chauvin is a good example of a narcissist. Chauvin had a grudge with George Floyd. Narcissists NEVER get over grudges. Chauvin had a grandiose sense of self importance (I am the police and I demand respect). Chauvin felt entitled to take Floyd’s life.

Putin murdered and raped and will never lose sleep over it. He is an example of narcs without guard rails.

They’re all mad about something. Add four additional traits and you have a psychopath—the narcs that kill---but that’s a story for another day.

People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are in love with an idealized, grandiose image of themselves that they have developed to avoid deep feelings of insecurity. But propping up and protecting these delusions of grandeur takes a lot of work–and that's where the dysfunctional attitudes and behaviors come in. From a psychological standpoint, a person with a narcissistic personality disorder is dependent upon external sources to constantly validate, affirm, reassure and reinforce their idealized version of themselves. So, it would make sense that a threat to their ego or public image, or an interpersonal rejection, would be most threatening to this person - and most dangerous to others. Research says yes and no. Most people with NPD are not violent. But narcissistic personality disorder seems to increase violence risk. A meta-analysis of 437 narcissism and aggression studies involving 123,000 participants found that NPD was related to a twenty-one percent increase in aggression and an eighteen percent increase in physical violence. There is also a link between narcissistic personality disorder and domestic violence. The risk of violence skyrockets when an antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) is also in the mix, a condition often termed "malignant" narcissism. ASPD is characterized by a disregard for others, difficulty sustaining long term relationships, and a lack of empathy.

This study concluded that individuals high in narcissism were especially aggressive when provoked. They tend to be intolerant of any criticism or perceived slight or challenge and may react with outbursts of anger or aggression. They are also prone to fits of rage or aggression when they don't get their way.

In 2005, eighteen-year-old Brian Blackwell killed his parents in a rage after being confronted with a series of lies, deceit, and theft. He was unanimously diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder by five psychiatrists.

But they were also more aggressive without provocation. If you think of the psychology of narcissistic personality disorder–the need to maintain a superior image to themselves and others–it makes sense that someone with a severe narcissistic personality disorder might be willing to go to extreme lengths to protect or avenge it–even murder.

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If you have been a victim of narcissism, there are numerous Facebook self help groups for starters. Talking with a therapist is also recommended but not all mental health professionals are trained well in it. If you are still with a narcissist, be advised that they rarely stay beyond the first or second session.